Title.

This is private

Monday, 28 May 2012 @ 23:00

I don't want to go to Faraday outing. I don't know anybody. Except Luther. And I'm not really that close to Vanessa either. I'll definitely 100% go if Benedix is going, or Ze Xuan or Yaazhini. But the problem is I dont know other Faraday people because I never made a point to talk to them in year 1 and now when I want to go and have fun this antisocial past starts to haunt me.

I'm kind of sick of being noob at sports.
So what if my studies are above average, studies and grades don't get you friendships and relationships being proactive and a nice person does. And I'm neither proactive nor nice.

I don;t wanna do art anymore kill me nowwwwwwwwww

I don't need you

Wednesday, 23 May 2012 @ 23:50

If I repeat that as long as I am dying I will believe it.

I'm so effing lazy.

Saturday, 19 May 2012 @ 17:09

I should leave. I should drop out of this school and be like some vagrant who walks around Orchard Road begging for cash. Either that or I should stay at home at rot. I'm already a skeleton anyway. No-one will miss me, no-one will notice if I'm gone. Okay, maybe Benedix will sms me or something but I'll be too busy starving and engaging in self-pity to notice anything.

And then I will die. A nice, quiet death on my bed. And then flies will start to come and my room will become damn stinky and the maid who comes on monday will be like WTF IS THAT SMELL MADAM. Maybe I should jump off a building or something. I don't wanna inconvenience anybody.

Suddenly I remember this incident from primary school.
Like it was Saturday morning, like 7am, I woke up early to read a book. I brought the book to the toilet to read and brush my teeth and as I was doing so, I started nosebleeding. Like all over the book. And it was a library book. I started panicking (about the book) so I tried to use tissue paper to clean the book but I failed so in the end the book (which was about a horse which died in a fire and her ghost came back or something like that) was like one bloody mess...

ANYWAY,
I want to talk again about Friday because Friday was kind of weird.
In the morning, classroom cleaning.
I find it so weird that Kelvin likes taking my phone and playing with the lame games on it, when he can like borrow Ben's iPhone or something. Then Julian borrowed Ben's phone and they both went to the corner away from the rest of us because well, they hate us or something. The truth is, there's more people in 405 I connect with than with 207. I don't know.

Andy was being damn high today and he was running around trying to poke me. Andy's such a coward everytime I act like I'm going to punch him in the face but in the end I never do but he's scared anyway and tries to defend himself.

Then, I don't remember lunch.
I think it was with Xinpin, Doing Jun, Andy.
Haha I realized I wrote Doing Jun instead of Dong Jun but Doing Jun's cool too. Anyway, I went to class where everyone was playing DOTA. As usual. Is there no other goddamn thing to play or something? Andy's damn pro so he acts like an ass and screws his own team up. Dong Jun got really angry and wanted to throw a chair and Andy and his laptop. Dong Jun needs to control his temper. I'M HIS FRICKING ROOMATE NEXT YEAR. 2 maniacs in 1 room. He's such a clean freak (and I think I lost the book I borrowed from him oops).

Oh yeah I thought I heard Julian passing by so I just emoed for a while and hid under the hood again. It's really tiring being sad.

I left 405 early for Art Club Exco Meeting.
It sounds like such an awesome leadery, elite position but I'm just a secretary. I thought secretaries were like, hot blonde chicks or something. But there I was, taking notes and being tasked with CIP proposal. Art Club CIP is always damn fun. But it won't be next year because I'm in charge of it. Luther is so unfocused and so scatterbrained but he's damn funny and he tries to be organized and responsible and he's quite enthusiastic. He'll be a good president. I'll be his secretary LOL.

Chen Lin couldnt' come because of some doctor's appointment. So she missed the most awesome dinner ever! We went to Ichiban Sushi and had a treat by Ms.K and Mrs. Tan! Okay, Ms.K's not so bad after all. She didn't even tell anybody about my personal issues. But it was only $20 budget each for the 6 of us (Jeremy, Kai Jie, Woo Jin, Luther, Ethel and Me) so we just ate cheapass things. I wanted to eat some $19.90 set but in the end I had $10 rice and chicken so I could eat dessert!

Oh and Luther calls his silky smooth chawamushi his girlfriend. He couldnt finish his girlfriend so i ate her for him. Then for dessert we ordered super expensive ice-cream. Luther called the flour balls his girlfriends too because they were smooth and curvy. So I ate his smooth and curvy quadruplet girlfriends because Luther is a horrible playboy. He has such a small stomach! He talks too much I think so all the air goes in and fills his tiny tiny stomach and he has no more space for awesome food ):

Then, we went home!
It was really late, like 8 30pm, but I still went to Paya Lebar with Jeremy to take the circle line. We just talked about random stuff like school, CAP, studies, and art club stuff. Then, I went home and asked Jules to come online again. I don't think I ever talk enough to talk to him. He told me he knew I avoided his speech during English workshop and was angry I threw his workshop booklet at him (he didn't have one! really!). I never used to treat people like that. No matter how sad or angry I was, I would never ever say any vulgarities or throw anything at somebody (ok, I did when I was in primary school but anyway). So I was sorry.

Actually, his speech...I just didn't want to hear it because I didn't want to laugh at it because in the end, everytime I get happy because of him, he just makes me feel like shit again 5 minutes later. Plus I thought he wouldn't notice because (I thought) he doesn't really care what I do or what I feel. (When I lied and went out, I found NATHANIEL! He was ponning the workshop in the year 3 Lit classroom. Asshole haha but he was sick so it was okay I guess.). I went back after around 10 minutes. when he was done.

After that were the Games! I didn't stay to watch the soccer matches because even though I wanted to, he would've thought I was stalking him. Like he always did. I don't know what he expects me to do. No, we talk too much, you can't talk to me in real life. No, you can't go home with me anymore. No, I'm busy I can't talk now. No, I don't like our class. then....WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME. What am I supposed to do huh?

I don't like people.
I don't like how we criticize.
I don't like how we don't appreciate.
I don't like how we kill each other.
I don't like how we hate each other.
I don't like how we lose each other.
I don't like myself because I'm a hypocrite, and I don't practice what I preach.